


Cycles

by Bluez2776



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 06:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4211112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluez2776/pseuds/Bluez2776
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Alpha Got Sad. It Was Understandable Really.</p><p>~Please Do Not Read If You Have Depression Or Still Hurt Over The Loss Of A Loved One, Thanks Guys~</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cycles

**Author's Note:**

> you know, I used to not read fics because of the length, but let me tell you, appreciate the writing of others no matter how long they are because they still take a long time, and they might have a lot of mistakes but the writer does work hard on them and I didn't get that before, so please take my apology and read a short fic every once in a while...

He was crying again. He didn't want to, didn't need to. She had left again. She was always leaving. Church doesn't know where she goes or what she does, but when shes gone nothing fits right. Without Tex everything seems off, like he's missing a piece of himself. Church misses her a lot. He would never mention it to her for fear of her need to make fun of him. Church tends to be pensive and mean(er) when she's gone. Tucker doesn't say anything and Caboose won't mention it around Tex and Church is massively grateful for it. It's times like these that he contemplates his own existence, if this is still what he wants. He wonders why he still waits on her, jumping at any interaction they have. Church misses her.

Sometimes he wonders why he's here. Why he joined the army in the first place. Wonders why Tex never said yes when he asked her to marry him, suit and tie and down on one knee and all. Wonders why he's not good enough for her love. Wonders why she always leaves and comes back. Wonders if it's just to torture him further. Wonders why he joined the army in the first place. Wonders why he's stuck in this stupid box canyon with these losers, and why he even stays. Wonders if it would just be better if he left. Wonders if he has selective depression, or if this is love. Wonders why even though he does his best to stop her, she always leaves. Wonder if the only reason she sticks around is because she feels sorry for him. That only makes him cry harder. He wonders if she ever did love him truly, wonders if she really cares. Does anyone care about him? Church doesn't think so.

Church knows he does it every time she leaves, he can't help it. It seems he's always abandoned by the people he loves, tortured with the idea of a happy ending. A happy ending he never receives. He at least has blue team, and that's what matters he thinks.

His horrible team mates at least try to make him feel better, at least when they're not killing him or letting his body rot on a cliff that is. Tucker bring him tissues and sits in the silence with him. Caboose does his best to cook and can usually manage a cup of tea to go along with whatever burnt thing he makes. Church is endlessly happy for it. They never mention it, never make fun of him for his break downs. Never tell the others what he does when he feels like he's breaking down. They help, which is enough to turn his mood a little less sour. Church is grateful for them.

Tex always leaves, and she always comes back. Church hates himself for being so clingy, for wanting her so much, for needed the comfort that she brings him. Church hates that she even came back. He hates himself for wanting her back. He remembers the good times, and the times he caught her cheating. He remembers proposing, and he remembers her rejecting him. He remembers how much she doesn't care about any of them. How she only wants O'Mally and her money, and he remembers that she isn't there because she loves him. He remembers that he's there because he can't leave her behind.

Someday's they spend hours trying to comfort him, with blanket forts, and his favorite foods, and they had even found a bouncy house once. They always try, and it means a lot, Especially after when he has time to think about just what exactly they do for him. They try so hard to take care of him. They had even set up a big pile of blankets and pillows in front of the TV one time as a big "Blue Team Care Circle" as Caboose had called it. That time was one of the best. Sometimes he just needed quiet, and they could always tell just what he needed. They had even invited Shelia one time, Church didn't have a big break down that time. Sometimes on blue team, life was easy, and others, your "girlfriend" was chasing down her crazy AI that told her to kill her friends and had tried to kill the people in the canyon multiple times. Then she left without a word and you were wondering what you did wrong.

Even as he's breaking down again, Tucker is sitting next to him and Church is crying in his shoulder. Caboose is rubbing his back and holding the tea he made. They still comfort him, Church might not understand why. He might not get why they even try. He knows he needs it though, and he can't say no. They've been through so much and he's caused so many problems for them. All of their problems are his fault and Church doesn't know why they stick around.

Church wonders if he should feel bad about it. It clearly puts a toll on them. Caboose isn't chipper and tends to be more reserved. Tucker doesn't make innuendos which is almost painful listening to him try to talk about other things. Shelia tends to leave him alone, and for a tank lady you wonder why she cares so much about his well being. Then when Tex returns no one mentions it, not one peep. Church is thankful for it, he has no idea what she would do if she knew. Would she leave and never come back? Would she make fun of him until he wanted her gone? He wouldn't even dare to think about Tex responding positively because that would cause hope and Church can't handle her leaving for good. She wouldn't even say goodbye.

Church misses Tex with everything he has, but they make it a little bit better, and that's all he can ask for really. So he puts on his front and gets ready for another lifeless day. Tries to be better, tries because he has two team mates that count on him. He needs them and they need him, and he's grateful that at least someone can stomach the thought of him. So he waits another day for Tex to return. Waits another day to be disappointed again. Then the cycle continues.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this, and always remember that even if it seems like no ones there for you, and even when it seems your all alone, your friends care, even if it doesn't seem like it, and if you need a friend I'm always here, but your never alone
> 
> God bless, you guys ^_^


End file.
